Again, it's been some time.

And a lot has taken place. Incredible and unbelievable things have happened. Tom & i stayed together for about four, five, just about six months before things really started to fall apart. We would fight always just because i couldn't handle being a secret and watching him as he hangs out with all these girls who text him constantly and at the strangest hours... turns out the the suspicion was right on. One fine morning we fight over something so stupid, so trivial and we just don't speak for the rest of that morning. He comes over & tells me it's over. About a week later i find out that wonderful stuff. Confrontation is good from time to time. It can get things rolling. We don't talk for awhile. He runs to John, of course. The decision is made. Whatever. Fine. I knew it would be that way from the beginning. But it gets better actually. Because maybe a week or so later he's at my house at one in the morning asking me if i would be his girlfriend. Telling me that i make him happier, that i'm his best friend. I was speechless & crying. It's been about a month since that night. I am incredibly happy & worried at the same time. There has been a lot that has brought us here. I worry about every girl he talks to. And like i've said before he is really close with his ex-girlfriends and i still know very little about his past. I'm slightly terrified of trusting him with not absolutely breaking my heart again, but then i'm forced to think about how he gave up all kinds of friends to be with me. Would he do that just to break up with me? Of course the rational answer is no. Not only that but he hasn't done anything to show me he's not trustworthy since, but he also hasn't done anything to gain that trust back either. So i am torn. I wish i knew how to just forget what has happened and be happy without worrying who he's out with or what he's doing, wondering why he's not texting me or what. I wish there was a way to squash my feelings of insecurity and worry. I want more random & sweet texts. I want you to tell me about how you want to take me out. I want random cuddling & kissing. I want sweet gifts. I want flowers. I want to be treated like i'm your girlfriend. Sometimes i don't feel that way. And yes, i understand. This is a month, not even into our relationship. This is a weird transition between friends & secret lovers to actually being in a relationship & i didn't think it would be easy but whatever. I still want it. So i think, i hope things okay. Or that they will be. I hope we're not spending too much or too little time together. I feel as though i'm babbling, so i'm ending this here.

But, in the end, through all the worry & such, the nights you sleep cuddled up next to me, when you hold me & kiss me, it takes way that worry. I love you.