Worrying

It does nothing. I find this out more and more, but not necessarily the hard way, but very close. Thank god for Eric, otherwise who knows where i would be right now. I understand that me freaking out over every small detail won't get me anywhere good, and if anything it might even make things worse. I want to worry a healthy amount, not the amount that i worry about right now. I hate feeling the need to know what's going on. I hate feeling lack of control. I don't want to get hurt or made an ass of again, but i don't want to worry so much and constantly wondering if he's okay, if we're okay & ruin my relationship like that. How do you trust someone who has hurt you so badly, but you can't help but love anyway? I want to trust him. I do. But he hasn't really done anything to earn it back, but he also hasn't hurt it more. I know who texts. I have somewhat of an idea of what is said, but still, it's nothing now or he ignores those for now, but what got us where we were in the first place? Can i really put all of that blame on John & the 'situation'? How much of that scenario gets put on me or tom or the tramps? No one seems to have any answers for any of this which is the worst part. I would take the advice, but there is no advice to be given it seems.

I wish there was some way to forget & not care.

But then again, ignorance isn't bliss, it just makes you look stupid to the rest of the world.