No really. I just want to this to go down how they did it and pull the whole happily ever after out. Like i just want to say fuck what everyone, just no, fuck them. Really? Let someone else, let what they, let what you think about me effect how i live my life. Yeah, not going to happen. I know what i want. Probably for the first time ever. I know who i am, again probably for the first time. I don't care what someone else has to say about me. People talk shit about other people for a lack of what they have. Well, more often then not, that's what i've seen & experienced. Mind you, yeah, everyone talks for some reason, that may not be theirs. Either way, i rully dun care. I guess in standing there, in saying what i said, in saying what you said, i'd hope you'd listen to that part that says fuck it, i love you & roll with it. I under stand where you're coming from with everything you said. Yeah, i got there & experienced life independent away from you. I attempted other relationships. Mind you, only because i needed to get over you. I hurt way too much for too long already. I had, still have a life of importance to live & i don't want to waste it on tears like that. I was hurt & i thought getting a new someone would help me think less about the old someone. Instead all it did was remind of you. everything anyone did, i would over reminisce you & the things you did. If i would have known that there would ever even be a possibility i don't know if i would have even tried. I didn't need the assholes or the failed attempt to tell me i love you. But i suppose it wouldn't be true Lauren & Alyssa style if there wasn't that hint of regret for s stupid thing. I know there are people on both sides who are going to be rather upset at both of us if we were to just pull this Lauren & Alyssa & roll with it, but it wouldn't be full on L & A if it wasn't like that. But we learned with them, while there will be those who throw their hands up at you & get fed up, the true friends are the ones who are filled with the same horrible excitement & agonizing fear as you are.
Like, if i know Lauren, or any of the people i consider my best & closest friends they're sitting there scared & yet crossing their fingers for the best. I know because they're my best friends they want what's going to make me happy no matter what. They wouldn't be my best friends if they didn't have my best interest in mind i suppose. I know, that they know our past. And, no lie, with our past carries plenty of worry for everyone, so naturally they're worried sick about my heart & my feelings through all of this. Even through the scurriness & precautions they are holding their breath like no other hoping for the best.
i think lauren & alyssa are at six months. if not totally beyond that.
i don't even think they remember breaking up. They don't hold a single transgression against the other after saying "fuck it, i love you." i don't even think they honestly remember or count anything before kissing each other & calling it a day. which is astounding. they have the most amazing relationship i think i've ever seen. they're best friends & so much more. there are no secrets, unless they're surprises & even then, one of them will crack before it's time. They have a healthy balance of friendship & intimacy in their lives & they've also found that perfect middle ground of independence & codependence. They make a point to save a day at least for each other & let the little fights slide more often then not. all they ever want to do is be together & cherish & appreciate that person for who they are, faults & perfections in all, oh yes & OCD cleaning habits (: i've literally said this since day one of you two, "i want that, but just with a boy."
i hope it's with this one particular boy though. i hope with basically everything i can hope with he picks me all over again, and for the last time, because i promise you with everything i am, everything i have to offer, i will never settle for anything less than what lauren & alyssa have.
thank you two for being in my life & providing me with something great & wonderful to achieve in my own life. you're the best friend i could ever ask for (aside from my tommy of course.) :D
i'm going to rully try & sleep now.
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