regrets

i can't say i have too many to tell you the truth. maybe dating the people (well, person) i have out of late. like, that was stupid. I suppose because i wanted myself to be over you. And i thought I was. I guess, i don't know. Even Tommy said to just "move on." Honestly, if i would have known tonight was going to happen & i don't think i'd ever stick myself the the jackasses i've been around. To tell you the truth, while you may be the biggest & scurriest looking i guy i know, hands down you're the sweetest most lovable, most sincere of them all. I've never known or think i'll ever know someone with a spirit like yours. It's filled with so much love & spirit for music. Seeing you fills me with this warmness i can't even begin to describe & when we talk about music i fall in love with it & with you all over again. I would have not have wasted my time with other people if i knew you'd be waiting at the end of all of this still. I didn't have to date other people in order to find who i am, or find out that, hey, i effing love you. I could have told you that three years ago when i was fifteen, standing out scared & excited as you, in your most timid voice asked me to be yours. I want to make it fours years this october. Forget those other people. They don't even matter. They never even left a mark on our lives. They were nothing special to either of considering how we don't even care throwing them aside. I couldn't believe it as you sat there with her on the phone tell her how you love me, always & forever. I would do the same for you, all day, every day.


I hope that in being that honest with you that it made the difference. That it said something to you. That it makes you think. Maybe saying all of that tonight it was premature, but i'm tired of having this big thing i want to say, or do, or just effing fix & doing nothing about it. I hope that when you do think about it you end up where i have. I hope that in that fact you still love me like you say you do that you forget everything else, look past our past & just pull a lauren & alyssa right here & now.

p.s. penguin, i wear that bracelet all the time. my hammer almost never comes off. i sleep with my baby lion every night. i was sad you gave me my necklace back. i was happy to see you kept lana doll. i still love you with everything i am. i want you to be my penguin, forever and i want to be yours, forever.