uh-mazing.

i've seen some amazing things happen, like uh-mazing things happen. i will never understand them & i want to. more than once i have seen the same thing take place. two people break up. one of those people ends up finding someone to just make them smile as they go through what they feel is the toughest shit ever. i watched danny bear just be crushed by a ho... & i listened to how beth and eric... well didn't work out. and now i've seen beth & danny connect. starting as friends, just talking, one thing leads to another, that person kind of steals your heart & you don't even know it. it surprises you how when they text you, you get butterflies. your legs turn to jelly & your heart is beating out of your chest when you go to see them. i know that feeling. it's been awhile since i've had legit feelings like that. that were real. meant something. i even just saw this whole thing play out with rachel & justin. WHICH. thank god. cause i hated being a bitch to him about how he needed to STOP with writing of songs as to why i should leave moses & be with him because, lemme tell you a story, not going to happen. really, those two will be great for each other. (: justin, you're much too much of a pussy & have horrible tastes in music. so, it's all for the best. i've seen tommy, totally accept his best friend dating his ex, the ex that i think, started his alcohol binge. there is just some things i don't understand. like, i will never understand how asia can have so much faith in him. he's been dating other people. i couldn't even stand by john when he was basically using me for sex & not seeing other girls. how does she stay so strong & adamant in her love & devotion when he doesn't want her in that sense anymore? i moved on because i couldn't take holding on to my feelings if there was nothing left. why hold on to something that's not going to happen? can you will it to happen & it does? (IF YOUR NAME IS ANGELICA YOU CAN CRY YOUR WAY INTO SOL ]:<) i want to talk to her and explain everything. i need her to hear what happened, and know what i wanted & how it just... didn't happen that way. it's not what you think. i'm just weak. i needed something to fill that place. i needed to get away.


talking to eric has been interesting. i don't understand how you can think about love in a "logical" sense when love isn't ever logical. we saw hercules, "people do stupid things when they're in love" i don't get how you can just dgaf so much. but it's great to hear he cares about my feelings.


oh yeah, anslina is the greatest girl i think i've ever met. she's the sweetest. <3


bon soir mon petite chou. whoever you might be...