i've kept every note you've ever written me. i've kept them in a box and not have i even once thought of destroying what we are, what we were. i can't keep myself from thinking about you. i really want to just stop loving you so this all goes away. i thought i was okay. i thought i was over you. seeing you on that stage last night made me want to cry. and i did. i just couldn't help but think how amazing you look and how i want to just take you home and be in your arms. i've tried to forget. i really have. i didn't put up a huge fight when shammy deleted you out of my life. i'm trying to find someone else to fill your space so i can forget. i want to. no. no, i really don't. you said, you'll find someone better. nope. i won't i've been looking. i really have been. the boys i've come across are sweet. they're cute, but not my type in looks. they're smart. they like music, sort of. we can talk. but they're not you. i don't even know what else to say...
god. lauren & i had this conversation about the notes we would write each other. i told her i saved them. they were all right next to yours. i opened all of them penguin. you wrote me a letter for everyday you were gone with sol. you drew me our penguin, gave him hats and scarves. you drew me a cute little dino with a candycane. you drew me flowers & lions. you wrote words i'll never forget. you were amazing and sincere. you were perfect. you are perfect. god, looking up at you just hurt. i want you. i want you to hold me & kiss me. i'm not over you. how could i ever? i love you. always.
fuck my life. i want to do the right thing damn it.
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