Feb 16th-- Senior Project

Four years. Seven minutes. Endless memories.

So, last night was a tearful one. Tears of complete & utter joy mind you. Jason, one of my oldest and dearest friends messaged me in shock to hear i'm single. It's been over a month. He was upset and worried, but most worried. I cried. I was so happy to hear he's worried. For some reason it surprised me, when really it shouldn't have been. I'm glad to hear that through all the time apart, physically & emotionally, we're still amazing friends. It's an amazing feeling. We talked for a while, a couple hours i guess. He said it looks like this was all for the best. I really think it is. I feel stronger. I can feel myself growing up a little. Even if it hurts, even if i want to lash out and cry when i look back at my life, even if i want to go back, i know it's all for the best. He says i've grown a lot. (: I'm glad he can see it. He said as much as he loved the cute little me, he loves the "sophisticated" one more.
Talking to him, i wondered how much i've hurt you, if i've hurt you at all. You know, i never wanted to. I never meant to. I love you. I always have and always will. I just can't be yours anymore my love. I'm someone else's right now, sort of. Not totally, but close enough. I don't want that to hurt you. I thought that was what you wanted. I thought you had someone else anyway. I still don't get why you won't talk to me. I'm not angry with you anymore. I promise. Please talk to me. I miss being your friend. You said forever. You said always. Why does any of this change it?! Penguin...
So aside from Jason, I called Talyah yesterday. It never ceases to amazing how distance means nothing. We both sat there and said our sorries for all the bullshit. It's so stupid between sisters. Jason was amused by how we still ignore everyone in the world for eachother. (: It doesn't surprise me. I don't think we ever really left each other. True friends are really always there, no matter what.
I'm glad i did this project the way i did it. Without it i wouldn't have cried over the things and people who never got tears. It's sad to see how people came and went in my life though. Ryan, Talyah, Evan, Nathan, Evan again (: John Brady. <3 I miss you. I really do. I want all of you (expect for ryan D:<) to come back to me. I miss how we were. I want us to still be.
John Christopher Brady. I will always love you. Please come find me when you're ready. I want to be yours how ever we can be. Even if we're just friends. Penguin <3