i guess this is a rant...?

i am who i am. i am what i say i am. i don't say anything lightly or without putting thought into it. i feel as though in this world words have lost their meaning. everyone loves everyone. love is no longer something special or sacred shared between two people. it's something apparently shared between you and everyone you have ever come into contact with. i make a personal effort to watch my words and make every word count. i don't say things lightly. my words are who i am. as a person who loves and appreciates writing with a passion i understand that writers choose their words incredibly carefully, making sure to put meaning and importance with each word. i'm not going to sit here and say i'm some great writer when i'm not. i'm not going to sit here and criticize others for a social transgression i too have taken part in at one time or another. what i am saying is, is that this is who i am now and this is how i view the world today. i carefully pick my words. i make sure to place meaning and importance with every one. when i say something, believe it.

don't get me wrong, i'm like everyone who has stupid second thoughts & i doubt myself constantly. i cut myself short on nearly a daily basis, and not out of some misplaced sense of need compliments twenty-four-seven, but out of knowledge of my past mistakes. knowing the at times history has the possibility to repeat i worry if the changes i have made within myself are forever or not. if i said i'm over it. i am. if i've hesitated, i really am. if i've made a move, i'm scared. there is an uncertainty in new. i fear the unknown like no other. i'm horrible at taking plunges. worry can be a good thing. it generally means you care about it enough to be invested in the outcome.

and i was.

so thank you for talking to me when you say you're "straight forward" with me.

oh & one more thing before i drift out of here & off to sleep, we're friends. i'm over the relationship. the break up no longer breaks me. we were together for three years. he will always be special. a week of hanging out due to choir events or band related events means nothing.